A quick update is in order from 2 posts ago....
We had our follow-up with the infertility clinic for my surgery a while ago. Unfortunately we were told the endometriosis was minor and may or may not have been a factor in my infertility. Why, you might ask, would I say that news is unfortunate?....well, frankly I am banking on that being the problem and hoping against hope that now that it has been removed we'll be OK. I did not like hearing that there may be some other factor we haven't even found. I know they have to say such things to save their asses because they can't be sure of anything, but still.
So, fast forward to right now...I should have my period...at least I think I should...and so far nothing. No symptoms at all of pregnancy, nor any symptoms of PMS, which I understand are the same. I allowed myself to get excited yet again, which I swore I would never do until it was a sure thing. I peed on a stick this morning and it was negative. I wasn't surprised, but was disappointed AGAIN. I really was hoping that since the endometriosis was discovered and removed that maybe I could actually get pregnant from sex with my husband like normal people do. I mean seriously, I just want to be normal...is that too much to ask??? But as it stands now we're in a holding pattern, just waiting for Aunt Flo to hurry up and get here so we can get started on our next round of injectables. Strange that I'm actually looking forward to getting my period this time just so we can get on with things. I feel like every day I'm losing time, and the recent news of another pregnancy in my circle of women doesn't help.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Pregnant Women Beware!
Why is it than when people find out you're trying to conceive, they become afraid to tell you when they are pregnant? I just had a friend from college...one of my very best friends from college and one of only 3 I've kept in touch with since...tell me via email she's 13 weeks pregnant and has been afraid to tell me. For goodness sake, I wouldn't hurt a pregnant woman....well, at least I will promise not to cause permanent damage to her or her fetus.
Seriously, 13 weeks is a long time to keep that a secret from me. I told another friend of mine the situation and she agreed, only she told me an even worse story from her experience. Her sister-in-law is expecting, and also waited a very long time to spill the beans to her brother and his wife (my friend) because she was afraid they'd get upset. That in itself is annoying, but to make matters worse, since it was within a family circle, not only did she NOT tell them, she told everybody else within the family not to tell them, making my friend look like an unstable psycho to her entire in-law family. Who's with me on this one?
I can't blame anybody for being afraid to approach the subject, but infertile people are not going to attack those who are having better luck. We are sad, we are angry, we are confused, we are disappointed and sometimes we are jealous...but those feelings aren't directed at other individuals necessarily, they're directed abstractly at the universe, or at God or however you want to classify "fate".
Seriously, 13 weeks is a long time to keep that a secret from me. I told another friend of mine the situation and she agreed, only she told me an even worse story from her experience. Her sister-in-law is expecting, and also waited a very long time to spill the beans to her brother and his wife (my friend) because she was afraid they'd get upset. That in itself is annoying, but to make matters worse, since it was within a family circle, not only did she NOT tell them, she told everybody else within the family not to tell them, making my friend look like an unstable psycho to her entire in-law family. Who's with me on this one?
I can't blame anybody for being afraid to approach the subject, but infertile people are not going to attack those who are having better luck. We are sad, we are angry, we are confused, we are disappointed and sometimes we are jealous...but those feelings aren't directed at other individuals necessarily, they're directed abstractly at the universe, or at God or however you want to classify "fate".
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Finally...an answer!
I made it through my surgeries. Not nearly as bad as I had thought. The worst part was having the IV put in because the nurses couldn't find a good spot (I have petite veins...the ONLY part of my body ever described as petite!) They had to stick me in 3 different spots, one spot multiple times, before they got it going. Now here's the big news...the BEST part is that they actually found something! I never thought I'd be happy about having endometriosis, but it's better to have some sort of concrete reason why we haven't been getting pregnant. They were able to "take care of it" right on the spot. They said it was just a small amount, but still...I'm hanging my hopes on that. I'm confident that now we'll be OK.
As for the rest of the experience...waking up from the actual procedure was scary, but they brought my husband into the room immediately, so he was the first person I saw. That kept me from freaking out. The anxious waiting was hard because they had an emergency surgery early that morning plus had somebody scheduled before me. I was scheduled at 9:30 and didn't actually get into the operating room until nearly 2:00. It might have even been after that. All I know is we waited forever with nerves mounting, and I know it was 4:00 when I came out of my stupor in the operating room.
Today, I feel extremely bloated...like a constant menstrual cramp. I have 3 incisions in my belly...one in the actual belly button and one to each side where I assume my ovaries are. Those are the from the laproscopic exam. Then, from the hysteroscopy, I think the only side effect I'm having from that is that my period is gone....not a bad deal there! When I went in, I was just starting my period. Very light bleeding. I had a lot of blood when I first went to the bathroom after the surgery, but since I have nad none. I wonder if when they eliminated the endometriosis, they ended up clearing my uterus of all the other yuck too, which would get me out of a period this month.
Now that I have an actual diagnosis, I feel somewhat more comfortable discussing the situation with my parents, my husband's family etc. I can't bring myself to actually pick up the phone because I don't want anybody to worry about me during the recovery. I've felt amazingly well. It's uncomfortable to get up and down from the couch/chair/bed, and I'm moving pretty slow, but it's more annoying than actually painful. I've been able to just take ibuprophen instead of the prescription meds this whole time which was one of the things I was worried about. All in all, maybe there is some merit to this positive thinking stuff after all!
As for the rest of the experience...waking up from the actual procedure was scary, but they brought my husband into the room immediately, so he was the first person I saw. That kept me from freaking out. The anxious waiting was hard because they had an emergency surgery early that morning plus had somebody scheduled before me. I was scheduled at 9:30 and didn't actually get into the operating room until nearly 2:00. It might have even been after that. All I know is we waited forever with nerves mounting, and I know it was 4:00 when I came out of my stupor in the operating room.
Today, I feel extremely bloated...like a constant menstrual cramp. I have 3 incisions in my belly...one in the actual belly button and one to each side where I assume my ovaries are. Those are the from the laproscopic exam. Then, from the hysteroscopy, I think the only side effect I'm having from that is that my period is gone....not a bad deal there! When I went in, I was just starting my period. Very light bleeding. I had a lot of blood when I first went to the bathroom after the surgery, but since I have nad none. I wonder if when they eliminated the endometriosis, they ended up clearing my uterus of all the other yuck too, which would get me out of a period this month.
Now that I have an actual diagnosis, I feel somewhat more comfortable discussing the situation with my parents, my husband's family etc. I can't bring myself to actually pick up the phone because I don't want anybody to worry about me during the recovery. I've felt amazingly well. It's uncomfortable to get up and down from the couch/chair/bed, and I'm moving pretty slow, but it's more annoying than actually painful. I've been able to just take ibuprophen instead of the prescription meds this whole time which was one of the things I was worried about. All in all, maybe there is some merit to this positive thinking stuff after all!
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Surgery Today
Today comes the moment of truth. My two surgical procedures to determine why we haven't been able to conceive. Why can't the tests for us ladies be as simple as the test for the men???! Anyway, my appointment is at 9:30 this a.m. and I'm very nervous. Up til now I was most nervous about the recovery...not so much the potential pain (since I figure that can't possibly be THAT bad...it's a tiny incision) but I am concerned about nausea and the breathing tube messing up my voice.
Another concern is trying to allow myself to just disappear from the radar for a few days to recover without letting on to anybody what happened. I am still resistant to tell anybody that I'm having surgery...none of our family knows a thing. I have 2 good friends who know, and that's it. So, while I don't want to outright lie to anybody, it'll be tough coming up with excuses why I can't do my normal stuff for a few days. Also, my friend is getting married this Saturday. She will be relying on me to start off the dancing and be the jovial fun one to get stuff moving (I always make a point to be the first on the dance floor at weddings just because every bride is afraid people won't have fun.) I hope I'll be able to put on a happy face and pretend I feel Ok by then. Who knows, maybe I really will be fine. I'm probably worrying about nothing.
Lastly, I will reveal my absolute biggest fear in this whole thing just so I can stop worrying about it. I'm afraid they won't find anything wrong. I need an explanation for all of this. I need something more concrete...something scientific...something better than some crappy abstract idea like "God says it's not time". My brain thinks logically and I need a REASON! I would rather they find something terrible that determines beyond a doubt that I cannot concenve than for them to not find anything at all. At least then we'd know to move on to adoption. Best case scenario: they find something fairly minor that they can fix right there on the spot and say "there, we got it...you're good to go". Now that I've gotten my biggest fear off my chest, I'm going to focus on that best case scenario all the way down the highway.
Another concern is trying to allow myself to just disappear from the radar for a few days to recover without letting on to anybody what happened. I am still resistant to tell anybody that I'm having surgery...none of our family knows a thing. I have 2 good friends who know, and that's it. So, while I don't want to outright lie to anybody, it'll be tough coming up with excuses why I can't do my normal stuff for a few days. Also, my friend is getting married this Saturday. She will be relying on me to start off the dancing and be the jovial fun one to get stuff moving (I always make a point to be the first on the dance floor at weddings just because every bride is afraid people won't have fun.) I hope I'll be able to put on a happy face and pretend I feel Ok by then. Who knows, maybe I really will be fine. I'm probably worrying about nothing.
Lastly, I will reveal my absolute biggest fear in this whole thing just so I can stop worrying about it. I'm afraid they won't find anything wrong. I need an explanation for all of this. I need something more concrete...something scientific...something better than some crappy abstract idea like "God says it's not time". My brain thinks logically and I need a REASON! I would rather they find something terrible that determines beyond a doubt that I cannot concenve than for them to not find anything at all. At least then we'd know to move on to adoption. Best case scenario: they find something fairly minor that they can fix right there on the spot and say "there, we got it...you're good to go". Now that I've gotten my biggest fear off my chest, I'm going to focus on that best case scenario all the way down the highway.
Monday, February 2, 2009
Multi-oscopy coming up
Just had my blood drawn in advance of a surgery I'm having done. My laproscopic and hysteroscopic exams are one week and one day from now. I got my paperwork in the mail yesterday and it freaked me out a bit. I didn't realize this was going to be quite such a big deal. They actually have to put me under and stick a breathing tube in and all. I had no idea. I am not looking forward to anestesia at all! The only time I have had any type was when I had all 4 wisdom teeth pulled at once several years ago. They put me under then too, and when I awoke I was very panicked, almost like a child. I was calling for my mom and stuff. It was embarrassing and scary. That was also when I had my first eperience with prescription pain killers. They gave me oxycontin then, which I took before I left the office and nauseated me. I like to think I have a high tolerence for pain, but one thing I cannot tolerate at all is nausea. I HATE the feeling that I'm going to throw up. I stopped taking the pain meds after 2 doses when I had my teeth pulled, and was fine with the pain. Then, one week before my wedding, I had a severe stomach bug which gave me the worst pain of my life to date. The E.R. gave me hydrocodone then, which I also took before I left the hospital and threw up in the parking lot before I made it to the car. So, I never even filled the prescription that time. This time they've given me a script for Percoset (did I spell that right?). Anyway, I have to fill the prescription and bring it with me to the clinic the morning of my surgeries. I spoke with the nurse today though and she said I don't have to take it. I can try just taking Motrin and see how that works out first. That has put my mind somewhat at ease about the pain part, but I am still freaked about the breathing tube. That makes is sound like a big deal!!! Will be worth everything if they can figure out what the hell is wrong with me.
Ultra Experience
I got to see an actual ultrasound today. My friend is half way through her second pregnancy (sadly, she lost her first baby due to childbirth complications). She has been having trouble with spotting, so she had an ultrasound just for peace of mind. Her husband couldn't go, so she asked me to stand-in. Truth be told, I think she was secretly a bit nervous they'd find something wrong. I was a little reluctant to go in for the ultrasound because I thought it would make me jealous and sad, but it was just kind of neat. It is pretty amazing how the technology has improved over the years so you can actually see the facial features. He wasn't in such a great position to get a good "head shot" but you can make out the legs and arms and all.
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Catching Up
Time for a major catch-up session, don't you think? It's been a while since my last post.
First, the Inauguration. Well...it sucked. Only because we didn't get in. If our tickets had gotten us through the gate as we assumed they would, it would have been amazing. I've been stewing about it for almost 2 weeks now, so I won't go on and on again here in the blog, but there are as many as 6000 other people who had the same result. The Inaugural Committee is supposedly conducting a "special investigation" as to why ticket holders didn't get through the gates. The rest of our trip to D.C. wasn't that great either. We got stuck in a snow bank for 4 hours trying to get out of town...had to call AAA. We did a whole lot of walking around the city, which is normally really cool, but it was so overrun with people for the inauguration you couldn't really appreciate things as much. Generally though, I will say that Washington D.C. is an awesome city when the focus isn't all on one thing for one man. It's a great place to re-visit as an adult to really appreciate the meaning of things. We went to the Spy Museum this time, which I highly recommend.
I will say this about the total "buzz" surrounding Obama's Inauguration. The crowd was unbelievable. Seriously, if I hadn't seen the rediculous number of people with my own eyes, I would never have known....pictures do NOT do it justice. People were so happy and friendly. Perfect strangers calling out to each other "Happy Inauguration Day!" like they were saying "Merry Christmas" or something. It was hard not to get caught up in the excitement, but it did give me pause. Here are my 2 worries.....with so much focus and so much excitement surrounding this president, it's too much for one man to live up to. People were acting like Barack Obama can part the Patomac River and Instantly cure cancer. He is still just a man and is falable. Also, what happens when he has to make some unpopular decisions. If he does his job well, he will not be able to please everyone all the time. What happens then? Will the mob of revelers become an angry mob against him? And lastly, after seeing how excited and involved all those people were, I'm sad to say to think that the level of political enthusiasm is very temporary. It became "cool" to be an Obama supporter because he's interesting, different and let's face it, he's exciting. Let's give him the benefit of the doubt and assume that he can keep everyone happy through a wonderful Presidency. At most, he can only be there for 8 years, then we will have to choose somebody new. What happens if in 2016 the two candidates we have to choose from are back to being your average wealthy, old, white guys? Will all those people even bother to vote? Probably many will not. That's sad....It's the same reason I hate band-wagon fans in sports.
Anyway, there's my 2 cents on the new President, plus a few more pennies for good measure. I shall not let it go so long between entries in the future.
First, the Inauguration. Well...it sucked. Only because we didn't get in. If our tickets had gotten us through the gate as we assumed they would, it would have been amazing. I've been stewing about it for almost 2 weeks now, so I won't go on and on again here in the blog, but there are as many as 6000 other people who had the same result. The Inaugural Committee is supposedly conducting a "special investigation" as to why ticket holders didn't get through the gates. The rest of our trip to D.C. wasn't that great either. We got stuck in a snow bank for 4 hours trying to get out of town...had to call AAA. We did a whole lot of walking around the city, which is normally really cool, but it was so overrun with people for the inauguration you couldn't really appreciate things as much. Generally though, I will say that Washington D.C. is an awesome city when the focus isn't all on one thing for one man. It's a great place to re-visit as an adult to really appreciate the meaning of things. We went to the Spy Museum this time, which I highly recommend.
I will say this about the total "buzz" surrounding Obama's Inauguration. The crowd was unbelievable. Seriously, if I hadn't seen the rediculous number of people with my own eyes, I would never have known....pictures do NOT do it justice. People were so happy and friendly. Perfect strangers calling out to each other "Happy Inauguration Day!" like they were saying "Merry Christmas" or something. It was hard not to get caught up in the excitement, but it did give me pause. Here are my 2 worries.....with so much focus and so much excitement surrounding this president, it's too much for one man to live up to. People were acting like Barack Obama can part the Patomac River and Instantly cure cancer. He is still just a man and is falable. Also, what happens when he has to make some unpopular decisions. If he does his job well, he will not be able to please everyone all the time. What happens then? Will the mob of revelers become an angry mob against him? And lastly, after seeing how excited and involved all those people were, I'm sad to say to think that the level of political enthusiasm is very temporary. It became "cool" to be an Obama supporter because he's interesting, different and let's face it, he's exciting. Let's give him the benefit of the doubt and assume that he can keep everyone happy through a wonderful Presidency. At most, he can only be there for 8 years, then we will have to choose somebody new. What happens if in 2016 the two candidates we have to choose from are back to being your average wealthy, old, white guys? Will all those people even bother to vote? Probably many will not. That's sad....It's the same reason I hate band-wagon fans in sports.
Anyway, there's my 2 cents on the new President, plus a few more pennies for good measure. I shall not let it go so long between entries in the future.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
